Daily Practice

I, just as anyone else, knows the importance of practice. Practice makes you better. I've adapted a daily yoga practice, some days are longer and more vigorous than other but practice none the less. I'm an assistant college lacrosse coach and I spend much of my days planning for practice. Practicing to become better is something I do professionally and personally. But what about the non physical practices?
I'm currently going to school for my masters degree in Professional and School Counseling. A profession based on the trust and relationships. Am I a trust-worthy person? ... just as I typed those words I realized, people may trust me, but am I worthy of their trust. My difficulty lies in my overly trusting nature. I trust everyone, with a lot of things. I don't mind sharing my day to day information, or even personal information with people. I don't feel I have a lot to hide and I like the idea of people knowing me personally. However, because I'm open with my life, those who are in my life also get spoken about and shared. Am I betraying trust? I wonder if those who don't speak about themselves or don't share about themselves are the best secret keepers?
There is a difference between a person maliciously and deliberately sharing the intimate details of another person and me absent mindedly sharing my stories who involve other people.
I've always believed I had a good sense of judgement in determining what information should be kept private and what information was okay to share, as it might be public information. But is that even my choice to make?
Just as I practice handstands on a daily basis I am going to practice my trust-worthiness. With that, I always feel the urge to relate to a persons story. You went on a trip to the Bahamas? I've been to Bermuda! Not everything needs to relate back to me and my experiences. And thus, I don't need to share all the details of my experiences and who was with me and what they said and what they did.
It's a daily practice to be better. I want to be a better person, a better friend, a better future counselor and that comes with trust. Knowing that if you tell me something, or we share something; its not going to become the worlds business.... Unless its something really really cool, then I'm sorry everyone just has to know!

Firstly, Happy New Year
It's been a while since I've written a blog but it's seemed like I haven't known what to say. So much has happened in these last few months that it's been difficult for me to process it all and then write about it. But its the new year and I want to hold my self accountable for my new years resolutions and how appropriate but to write about for all the world to see. Before I decide what my new goals are going to be for this year I want to end this past year on good terms and recap all the things I've learned in the past year!
Lessons of 2014
1) Don't let the miseries of yesterday affect the wonders of today. I spent a lot of this year wishing I was somewhere else or counting down the days until I graduated or until I came home. I feel as if this year was just a series of days crossed off the calendar. How awful is that? The situations may not have been ideal but I've done enough moving to realize I'm only in one particular place for a short period of time and I need to enjoy my time more. I may not be with my boyfriend everyday right now but I need to be okay with being alone instead of counting the days I see him next.
2) The world needs more naive people. There have been tragedies and heartbreaking moments this year and it's taken its toll on us. I feel I've been getting into more and more arguments with people defending the good and sincere people in the world. We have become so focused on our own success, safety and well being that we forget there are people who are less fortunate than us and there are people less educated than us. I don't blame a race, culture, gender or generation for the problems in the world. Call me sheltered but I believe there is still so much good in the world and I believe the in the good in everybody. I had no reason to fear walking the streets of Buffalo at night or now that I have an apartment close to Ferguson, Missouri. The world hasn't given me a reason to think otherwise so I've learned to keep believing and defending the good people.
3) Family matters. I've been fortunate to be close with my family but this past year I've realized how much I need them and how I'm not ashamed at all that my mom is my best girlfriend or how much I depend on my family. Your family will always love you and there is such honestly and security with your family. I've also realized your family isn't just the people who are blood related they are the people are unconditionally there for you.
4) Say sorry. I won't for one second deny that I can't be stubborn and difficult at times but somewhere in this past year I started saying sorry and truly meaning it. I'm grateful for realizing how important it is to tell someone that your sorry. Sorry for loss, sorry for the way you made them feel, sorry for the situation. I'm still struggling with the realization that not everyone else has had this epiphany! This is going to be on my list of new years resolutions but I have to be okay with someone not apologizing to me when I feel they should or if I apologize for something, the other person may not always apologize back... and thats okay. I'd rather a few sincere apologies then a lot of fake ones.
5) Follow your heart. I've always been one to please other people and be worried about how others think of me and this is always a factor in my decision making. What will other people say? Will someone else be upset if I made this decision? And I've realized I can't live that way. I can't be concerned about other people all the time, because when it comes down to it other people aren't going to make their important decisions based on me, so I can't make mine based off them.

Now it's time for my resolutions for 2015!
1) Do more yoga, in all aspects. I have physical goals that I want to accomplish in yoga but I also want to study yoga more.
2) Be kinder.
3) I've just recently started comparing my relationship to other couples around me and then in turn questioning the strength of the relationship I'm in. This is not a path I want to travel down. Every relationship is different with it's own wonders and flaws.
4) Eat healthier... all the time! When I'm away at my place I eat and shop healthy but when I'm home I let myself eat pizza and junk, immediately followed by regrets!
5) Spend more time with my grandparents. I'm not home very often but when I am I need to put aside the time to spend it with my grandma and my papa.. I grew up having 4 grandparents. Now I only have two and I need to appreciate the time I have left with them.
6) Love more.
7) Make more decisions in 2015 for me!
8) Be a better daughter, granddaughter, sister, girlfriend and puppy Mom!
9) Make a difference. I want to be responsible for making a difference in someones life this year, however big or small I want to make a positive change in someones life.
10) Be happy. This may be the most important. In 2015 I want to be the happiest I've ever been!


I have no idea where these next 361 days are going to take me and I love this surprise!
I hope to anyone that reads this your year is full of blessings and happiness.

xo
Live. Love. Namaste

Planning to Plan

I consider myself a planner,  an organizer, a plan a head kinda girl. I like to sit down an organize my time and schedule things, it relaxes me and  makes me feel more in control. I say that we should all live in the moment and appreciate what we have now and not be concerned with what we may or may not have in the future but that may not be who I am. I need to know when things are happening and I feel comfortable planning accordingly. I don't really enjoy doing things last second or having plans changed on me, but I know it happens and I fully know that I often do it to other people... but it's my plan I'm most concerned about. 

Do you know what planners don't like? Inconclusive people, people with no plan, last second decision making people. When it comes to my planning I am much more willing to put things like feeling aside for the sake of the schedule. If you don't want to hang out this weekend thats fine but the sooner I know the sooner I can 'plan' accordingly. I don't like waiting around, I like fast and immediate responses. The people who wait around for the sake of not wanting to upset you or they are unsure of what they may or may not do.. they are my plan ruiners. I also get excited and gitty about my plans. If I deliver an idea for something and the response isn't a direct reflection of what I am feeling, its a tiny failure to me and the plan isn't even worth going through with. Now these are petty things, I realize that. I catch myself making plans and getting upset when I get a response that's wavering, mostly because I fully know what the end result is going to be and parts of me want to cancel the plans and make it easier on all parties since I am unsatisfied with the reaction or immediate 'I'm all in' or 'wow i'd love to' response. But I don't, I bite my tongue and more often than not I am right. The plans fall through or it's not the right time or the window of opportunity is missed. But then there are time when you throw out an idea and it sits on the table and when you think its about time for the cards to be thrown in, your plan goes through and your surprised. Or even better when you are the plan maker, the decision maker, events coordinator and when you least expect it somebody makes plans for you. Makes plans that include you.  For all the planning and thinking and masterminding that you do, and to think that there is somebody who is willing to do the same and wants to experience their plans and wonders with you.. thats a wonderful feeling. Thats a feeling you can't plan on, it happens and when it does you have to be grateful for it. Appreciate it. Take it all in.  

People seldom change; their style may change, favorite color,  who they vote for may change. But a person,  the true definition of a person seldom changes. Its our perception that changes.
Their comes a point in almost all relationships where it feels as if the other person's changed into a stranger... we may recognize the face,  the eyes, the smile but we don't know who it belongs too. What we once thought was self-confidence now seems cocky,  the independence we admired is now distance or the affection is now clingy. All these things still mean the same but it's our thoughts, mood and perception that's changed them into either something positive or negative. 
The same goes for those girls who you swore you'd never be like suddenly want to be your friend. They haven't changed, I promise you that. Your perception has, you've allowed yourself to see past what you believe to be wrong or right for momentary popularity or attention.  Well how about life long happiness and attention? It's out there,  it just may take a little longer to find. 
Be true to yourself,  surround yourself with people who are going to support you and encourage you. You should never feel shamed or disliked for a choice you believe is right. I truly believe things happen for a reason and we need to fall to learn how to pick ourselves back up. And every time you stand up you become a little wiser. You can't appreciate what you have at the top until you've lived at the bottom. Be humbled by everything you do.
Should you ever forget,  remember the reasons why you fell in love. See your partner for who they are and LOVE them for it.  You can only wish they will do the same. The little things you used to think we're cute, now drive you mad, let them make you smile. Remember when this person used to make you smile with just a glance or without even being in the same room. Go back to falling in love. Nobody ever said it has to stop, we get comfortable and complacent and then its routine. I say dont just be in love, fall in love every morning and get swept off your feet every night. And dont forget you've gotten complacent,  what are the little things you used to do when love was the most exciting thing in your life. Your partners noticed. Show love, be love.

Don't ever change who you are,  be willing to bend and forgive but your roots are planted and once you come to accept that you can then begin to appreciate your strength and beauty. For me I'm stubborn as a mule but after 22 years I realize I'm stubborn because I'm sensitive.  I wear my heart on my sleve and to protect it I get defensive and I've been known to shut down. This isn't the person I want to be,  I'm appreciating and respecting my sensitivity.. It's who I am and even if I could change that about myself (which I've wanted to) I shouldn't.. and I won't. The people in your life,  the good ones,  the ones who are meant to stay. They will understand you,  they see your roots and they won't want to change you. Instead you'll find people who water your roots and admire your strength and beauty,  and remind you should you ever forget.
My mother planted a seed and watched me grow,  she's seen me torn down and bare but she's also seen me stretch for the sun and she's admired my colors. My mother's known my roots,  because she planned them, watered them and loved them.  But she gave me the freedom and space to discover them myself. And that's an amazing gift, to slowly find out who you are and what you stand for.
There are people in my life who have torn down branches or made me forget my roots but that's okay I didn't need those beaches and sometimes we forget. But in the end,  I remembered. Those people are going through a journey themselves to find their roots and maybe they had a few branches taken off themselves so forgive them. 
I'd like to think I've found people in this world who are going to let me stand tall and strong in a storm and offer them protection and shelter when they need. Trust that I'll never break and take a nap under the shade I provide.  But in the winter when my leaves have fallen and I'm no longer radiant those same people will come and love me no different. Because that's who I am. I'm still discovering my roots,  they are long and secure but every day I discover a little more about what makes me happy or sad or what I believe is wrong or right. And one day my roots will cross paths with somebody else and we'll decide to grow together and you can't un-grow or retreat,  you can only grow more and when all the space is taken you can only grow deeper.

The path we travel may be steep and sometimes narrow. But as hard as it is dont forget to stop and be amazed by your surroundings! This world is a beautiful place,  sometimes you'll have to climb a few hills and sometimes you'll have to do it alone but you'll always be surrounded by beauty and love!
This is a photo I took off my mom and I on a trip to Bermuda!

Be good to yourself. Be good to others. Be good to those who dont know how to be good back. Dont let anything dim the light you shine on the world.